


don't say it, show it.

by xllx (exasperatedmoron)



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, I just suck at summaries, M/M, but eliott demaury is boyfriend of the year, mr lallemant is no father of the year, no angst i swear, no beta we die like idiots, past emotional abuse, sickeningly cute boyfriends tbh, soft boyfriends, yuck - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22851547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exasperatedmoron/pseuds/xllx
Summary: When Eliott told Lucas he loved him, Lucas didn’t say it back.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 7
Kudos: 160





	don't say it, show it.

When Eliott told Lucas he loved him, Lucas didn’t say it back.

Eliott thought that he fucked up. That it was too early or that Lucas did not feel the same. He was about to take it back (he can’t.) or apologize when he noticed Lucas struggling to say something.

Eliott stayed silent and waited for Lucas to compose his words, worried about what his boyfriend would say. After stuttering and a few facial twitches, Lucas finally seemed to form something cohesive.

“I- I don’t say those words.”

Eliott continued to wait patiently while Lucas looked to the ground and fidgeted with the phone in his hand. Lucas bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows before looking up again.

“My dad used to say it all the time. He used to tell us how much he loved us and that was why he had to work all the time. For us. Then when I told him that I wanted to do music or theatre for school, he told me to go to S because what I wanted would not work and ruin my future. When I started crying, he said he’s doing it for my own good because he loved me. When he left, he said he loved me before walking out the door.”

Lucas took a deep breath and Eliott saw his hand started shaking. Lucas clutched his hand into a fist before Eliott could do anything.

“He did the same to my mama, too. He’d tell her she was gaining weight because he wanted her to look presentable because he loved her and cared about her self esteem. Some days, he’d get mad, yell at her and tell us he did it because he loved her. When I leant he send her to a psych ward against her will, he said he wanted to make sure I did not end up crazy like her… because he loved me and cared about my mental state. Eventually, it lost its meaning.”

Lucas clenched his fist and held his hand open. He moved it closer to Eliott, who instantly got the hint and intertwined their fingers together. Lucas looked down and watched the way Eliott rubbed his thumb against the back of Lucas’ hand and the smaller boy relaxed slightly.

“So, I don’t say the words… And I don’t like hearing them either. I know it means something different for you… But it is not easy for me to just… forget what I’ve associated it with.”

To Lucas, the air in the room was dense and he started to sweat. He did not know how long the silence lasted after his confession but what he did know ws that he was terrified that Eliott would think he was ridiculous, had daddy issues and leave.

Which, ironically is a ridiculous thought itself since he knew Eliott would never do such a thing.

Lucas was still anxious.

“Lucas.”

Lucas bit his lip and looked back up. He was greeted with one of Eliott’s soft looks, where his green eyes radiated comfort and his small smile released some of the tension Lucas had built up in his chest. Eliott lifted up his free hand to cup Lucas’ cheek and smiled as he tilted his head.

“That’s alright. We don’t need to say it if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“Well, if  _ you _ find it important or you really want us to, I can find a way or-”

“Mon amour, it’s okay. And in a way, you’re kind of right. Words are just words and the meanings behind them are what we make of them. You’ve associated those words with…  _ unpleasant _ memories and so, we won’t use them.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“I’m okay with it.”

Lucas sighed in relief and finally felt the dense atmosphere disappear, leaving the smaller boy with feelings of warmth and affection from Eliott. He used his other hand to place on top of the hand Eliott had on Lucas’ cheek. Lucas turned his hand to place a kiss on the palm of Eliott’s hand and leaned back on it.

“You do know you technically gave yourself an indirect, cheek kiss?” Eliott giggled.

“Shhh, it’s a cute moment. Don’t ruin it.”

* * *

  
  


They never did utter the words ‘I love you’.

Eliott still used it on the other people in his life. To his maman and papa when he left his house, to his little sister when she leaves for school, to Idriss and Sofiane after their soccer games and even to Ouba when he comes over to visit.

What Eliott did do though, was randomly pop by the culoc with a bouquet of flowers for Lucas. On days when he knew Lucas was emotional, he would go all the way to a cafe 50 minutes away from his place to buy Lucas’ favorite cake. When Lucas has a big test that he studied hard for, Eliott would be right outside Lucas’ classroom with a bag of ice cream and popcorn for a Netflix marathon.

Sometimes, it was subtle. The way he’s kiss Lucas awake so that his partner would have a better wake-up call instead of a loud alarm. The way he’d tuck the blankets around Lucas when he had to leave before him for classes. The way he’d continue to leave notes and drawings for Lucas to find, even if Eliott only left to take a shower in the bathroom next to Manon’s room.

Eliott was not the only one who showed his affection though action.

Everyday, Lucas made it a point to always wait outside Eliott’s classes when he did not have plans with le gang or the girl squad (or classes, of course). On days that Eliott had a bad day or had a bad grade in a class, Lucas would bake him the blueberry-bacon muffins he loved so much. And like Eliott, he would bring Eliott either a bouquet or a plush toy on random days of the week.

Lucas would snuggle close and hold Eliott tighter whenever Lucas woke up in the middle of the night to Eliott moving in his sleep from having a bad dream. He paid close attention to any of Eliott’s  _ signs _ and made sure to remind Eliott to take his medicine, even if it would occasionally irritate the older boy. When Eliott was going through a hard time, Lucas would study right beside him in bed to keep his partner company (or leave if Eliott needed that). When Eliott was feeling particularly  _ high above the clouds _ , Lucas would share Eliott’s excitement in whatever Eliott wanted to do, but made sure that he never went too far and would propose a compromise of his partner still wanted to do it.

When the two of them and their friends started learning FSL after Arthur’s diagnosis, Eliott smiled wide when they learnt the sign for ‘Je t’aime’ and turned to his side to sign it to his partner, when he stopped himself and dropped his hand. Lucas just smiled back and signed it to Eliott instead.

Ever since then, they would occasionally sign it to each other. Not all the time, not even that often. Sometimes they did it as they parted for their classes and sometimes they would do it in the comfort of Lucas’ room, pressing their hands on each other’s chest with their thumbs, index and pinky stretched out as they laid facing each other. Somehow it held a different meaning than the words themselves.

Never once did Eliott bring up the three words. He only referenced it once when he asked if it being called ‘mon amour’ bothered Lucas.

Even if they never said ‘I love you’ to each other.

They showed it all the time.


End file.
